Happy and sexy!


Starting all over at the age of 60 is not easy, but still doable. Sometimes it is all we can do and this week's woman expresses it like this: "I was forced to change my life". She was in a bad marriage and felt a divorce was the only solution, but she came out of all as a both happy and sexy lady.

Name: Paula Harer

Age: 63

Occupation: Writer

Family: Three adult children

Lives in: Columbus, Ohio, USA

Starting all over is never too late, but it can be scary. From where did you find the courage to change a situation you were not pleased with?

I wish I could say that I had all this courage, but the truth is that I was forced to change my life: my husband was having an extra marital affair, not the first time, and it was clear that this marriage had to come to an end. Once I realized that I had to leave, I made a plan for myself and over the next few months I worked on setting up a new life on my own.

On the outside it may have looked like courage, but I was a mess on the inside. Isn't that where you find courage, out of necessity?

You had been married for 30 years when you left your husband, took your dog and moved in to a small apartment. After a while you found yourself at a crossroads. How did you move on from there?

Once I moved out of my family home, and the newness of being on my own had worn off, I became very depressed. I was lonely, although I had lots of great friends who had surrounded me with love. I wanted my own happy life, but it was not as easy.

One thing I have figured out about myself is that I find my power when I am at rock bottom. That is when I am able to create change. I decided to work on starting to date a little: I needed to have a personal life of my own, something to look forward to. That changed my outlook and mindset for a while and acted as a bridge from the sadness I was experiencing to a happier life.

Although you are 63, you say you feel sexier than you have for many years. Many your age may feel just the opposite, even men. How do we build our confidence when not as young any longer?

When I left my marriage, I felt like the least attractive woman on earth. I had felt that way for most of my time as a married woman. And, the stress of my situation had caused me to lose much of my hair, my eyes were puffy and I had gained a lot of weight during those difficult years. I was sixty and felt like I was a hundred (and of course my husband was with a much younger woman, to add insult to injury).

As I moved forward and my life kept improving, I began to feel younger and more attractive. I found myself gaining confidence, which is sexy. I found myself feeling more vital, which is sexy. I got myself back; rather than being an unhappy woman in a train wreck of a marriage trying to hold on to something that wasn't worth saving, I went to back to being a fun, funny, happy woman, and that is definitely sexy. I understand that I might not be sexy at all, but it is how I feel, and that's all that matters, right?

How much would you say that being attractive is connected to culture? Do we value age too little in many countries?

If you are living your life on your looks, well good luck with that! We all age, if we're lucky! Guess what, I don't look anything like what I looked like 30 years ago. That's life. The one thing I can't control is my age.

But, I feel attractive, I really do. I am happy and interesting and fun and vital, and if anyone doesn't find that attractive, then I'm sure I won't find that person attractive either. It's just not for me.

I try to look the best that I can with what I have, but I will never look 40, I will never have young skin again and I will never look like I once did. Anyone who is looking at me for youth and beauty is a fool, a fool who will not interest me.

How we value or do not value age is not for me to say. I can only do me. And I am the best I have been for many, many years. It doesn't matter to me what others think. As long as my loved ones think highly of me, I'm good. If the culture around me doesn't appreciate my age, then too bad.

And, anytime I feel discriminated against because of my age, I lick my wounds, then I come back stronger.

#paulaharer #happy #happyandsexy #womenover60 #anewlife #readthis #50plus