Enjoying life after a tough divorce
Making huge changes in life can be tough, but when life itself already is, one may not have a choice. However, many of us may probably have taken the easiest way out of a hard situation, but this week's lady decided not only to start a new life without her husband, but also to give herself a new high education and start a new career. It may be overwhelming when we are in difficult life situations, but in the end, things usually turns out for the best. Sometimes we need to be a little bit braver than we may think we are. Cynthia is a proof of that we can manage a lot even when things are tough.
Name: Cynthia Furr
Occupation: Special education teacher
Family: One son and one daughter, a son and daughter in law, two grandchildren
Lives: The USA
Last month it was ten years since your life took a new turn. You decided to leave your husband and start a new life without him. What happened?
My ex husband decided that he needed to be with other women and in doing so, he left our family in a huge financial mess.
A whole decade has passed since that February day and after the divorce so many things have happened for you. One of them is that you went back to "school" and after the education got a new work. Did you ever hesitate to take that step being a bit older?
Yes, I was scared to death; however, at that point, it was sink or swim. I chose to swim by jumping back into school because I needed to sharpen my skills and be more marketable. The only way was to study. Doing so also showed me that I could do it and really had nothing to be scared of.
You call yourself a survivor and you have also said that your life began after the divorce. For many a separation can be a huge life crisis. Did you ever feel so yourself and have you ever regret that you took the step?
The divorce was devastating, but the four years before the divorce was painful. I pour myself into my marriage, but I felt that I had lost myself trying to make my ex husband happy. There were many times that I had regrets, but then I remembered that I did not have to worry about being cheated on. Even counting pennies and declaring bankruptcy was nothing like the feeling of being betrayed.
I wished I had known exactly what happened. I thought we had a Godly marriage and were in the final contentment of marriage - empty nesting and traveling. That was all he talked about the 2 years before he started cheating.
Looking back, I realized through comments of others and his actions, I don't think he was ever happy with himself or us. He grew up in a very strict religious missionary family, and he told our therapist that he had always been a closet rebel until I caught him. He told me that he felt he cheated on me because he felt his mom thought I was not good enough for him. I was really angry for many years until that God released me from further hurt and pain.
After the divorce, I had to declare bankruptcy in order to survive. After four years, I was able to buy a little cabin in the woods in Pine Mountain Club, California to have something that was mine and to keep the IRS (Internal Revenue Service)from killing me, and I loved that little place for two years.
However, due to an hour commute and my mother's failing health, I sold my little cabin in order to put things in place for me to move back to North Carolina to help take care of her. However, her health is failing faster than we imagined, and I am not sure exactly what my next step will be, but I know that God is in control, and I am a survivor.
Your children became adults, got married and had children of their own during this period of time. How did you cope with the loneliness when they flew the nest? Or perhaps being alone is actually underestimated and it can even make us grow if we let it.
It was an adjustment when my children went off to school, got married, and had children. However, I was in school myself and was rediscovering who I was with going out with my girlfriends. I needed that time for myself.
What do you look forward to the following ten years?
I am not sure what the next 10 years hold, but I know one thing. I will be standing and enjoying life.